Seeing Red, In The Red — Red Red Red Red Red

Where to begin…

Frankly, I’ve been sweating-out coming back here nearly as much as I’ve been looking forward to returning… I’ve missed you all so much. So much that I feel I owe all of you an explanation, an apology… Especially as so many of you have been so kind and supportive, with emails, comments, donations even. It brings tears to a girl’s eyes, particularly when she is unable to respond.

But here I am now. Trying to address all of this… Forgive me my scattered outburst, but I told myself that the best way to proceed was to just proceed.  Like ripping off a bandage.

So to compensate for the guilt, the impending sense of doom I feel at being so obliged to come here and rationally explain the emotional things going on, as well as the practical situations which render me further humbled if not humiliated, I came right to the blog and bypassed my emails simply so I wouldn’t feel any more overwhelmed than I already am. (Which is also to say that if you have emailed me and have not heard from me, you may expect to soon; I shall get to them all this weekend — but first things first: a public confession.)

[Deep breath in; then out.]

So, as I’ve previously told you, the family situation is complicated by the financial situation. To address the latter, with the hope of alleviating the former, for the past few months we went without Internet access (and cable) and I took on additional work.

This lead to bouts of serious anxiety, above and beyond the above-mentioned worries (I am a head case. *sigh*) which eventually forced a rather primitive fight or flight response through which, I suppose we can say I “thankfully,” came out angry enough to see red.

That is, I suppose, what a survivor does. Among other things.

We are not out of the red, as they say, but have made enough progress to earn the digital world back.  And that is a good thing. *smile*

I now feel more pragmatic than anything else; so plans are being made, changes are to come. Here too. So, stay tuned for updates. (I hope to post them too before the weekend is over — and I lose my gumption!)

But for now, please do not worry about me.

Let’s try to focus on things resuming to normal, at least here at the blog. Even if the posting will be erratic. Or less often than any of us likes.  And should I have to leave you again, please know it is for a good reason (or a dozen of them) and I shall try to get back to you, and swooning over lingerie, as quickly as humanly possible.

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