Today’s Ranties: Panties In Marilyn’s Name?! (Or, Granny Panties By Any Other Name Still Better Fit As Sweet!)

Linda Lord, president of Linda Lord Lingerie, Inc. (formerly Protec-Style Lingerie), says her Marilyn panties were inspired by Marilyn Monroe’s as seen in that famous scene from The Seven Year Itch.

My thoughts on capitalizing on the poor dead woman’s name aside, I’ve got to vent here and let off some steam myself!

As any full-cut vintage panty-lover (or Monroe fetishist) can tell you, these Marilyn panties are a far cry from the real thing.

Authentic full-cut panties scoop to cradle and cover the entire bottom and rise to waist — the term “high rise” should mean that the panty’s coverage includes modestly covering the belly-button; Lord’s do not. My point is, hey, “granny panties” by any other name, including Marilyn’s, must provide full coverage.

Now, I’ll grant you that fashion styles have changed *heavy sigh* and it’s now rare to find jeans and pants which have their waistline at your own waistline, but I still must whine!

How dare people market an item as having such coveted classic style — and not offer the very thing a full-cut panty lover seeks?

To be fair, Lord’s new panty (released in January of this year, so it’s new-ish, anyway) has some special qualities: It’s made of Mystex, a polyester microfiber that is absorbent, stain resistant, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal and antiviral.

(Technologies which, I will remind you, are not as earth-shatteringly new as all that; and, of course, this whole conversation probably reminds you just how gross undies — and even shopping can be.)

Now, if you like the combined technologies presented in Mystex, by no means let me stop you from purchasing a pair — or 100 pairs. But…

If you want more authentic Marilyn panties, check out my many posts on full-cut panties. And you might even want to consider Marilyn Monroe Underwear. Unfortunately they call these lovely panties “underwear,” and technically they are sold as costume apparel; but at least they have full coverage — and even some tiny lace trim.

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