Panties Or Ranties? It’s A Trick Question; You Might Not Be Able To See The Answer For The Trees

I’m a big believer in the science of color. And of course I love a good lingerie story, so I enjoyed this bit from the April 15 episode of The Tyra Show, “Mexican ladies have a very interesting New Year’s Day tradition; they buy a new pair of underwear in a specific color to represent what kind of year they’d like to have. Red, symbolizing love, has been the frontrunner for years, but was beaten this year by yellow, which is said to represent money.”

And then Tyra asked an all-important lingerie question: What’s the Best Color Panty to Wear So That One Can Get Laid?

Tyra made the question even easier to answer by breaking the subject down to just three possibilities, Black, Red, or White, for her expert, Andrew Trees. According to Trees (who I’m not sure is really an expert on color, or anything else, as we shall see), the answer is “White.”

According to Trees, Black can be “too depressing,” Red can be associated with “emergencies” (which made Tyra giggle & do an eyebrow wiggle — but I don’t want a rushed lover, thankyouverymuch), but White, “despite it’s association with youth and purity” is associated with love-making and is “non-threatening.”

Um, first of all, Trees, the correct answer is: Any panty a romantic partner is lucky enough to see a woman wearing is indeed the best colored panty to get laid; providing she says, ‘Yes.’

Does anyone think that a sexually mature guy or girl rejects a lay based on the color of panties?

*snort*

Dear Mr. Trees, if you or anyone else is intimidated, depressed, triggered into an anxiety attack over the emotional “emergency” urgency, or otherwise deterred from fornication based on the color of lingerie, well, they should seek some professional help. Seriously. And it would probably be best if they told their sexual partner that they have such strong irrational reactions to colors, lest a girl’s bra strap slides into view.

I can understand intimidation, premature ejaculation, and the like based on seeing a woman in her intimate apparel (it’s happened to me, and I’ve been most understanding); but to be motivated to sexual rejection based on the color of panties is more than absurd. If you were any sort of a professional or expert, you’d know that. Sheesh.

If you think I think Trees is a weeny, you might want to check out some of the other stupid stuff he says and how other’s feel about him. This guy’s starting to make Steve Ward look smart — still horribly misogynistic, yes, but smarter than Trees.

Now, ladies & gents, go forth and enjoy panties in all colors of the rainbow.

Image credits: Photos of Jasmine ruffled side-tie panties by Corsetry by Angela Friedman — and since they are custom made, you can order them in any color of silk charmeuse you’d like!

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