Town of Keystone Cops Befuddled By Lingerie Auction

I normally don’t bother to dish on the multitude of lingerie thefts — unless there’s an elf involved (and FYI he got sentenced to 2 years) — but this news story did more than catch my eye…

Panty thief’s loss is auctiongoer’s gain:

Crime didn’t pay for Jennifer Stevanovich, but Kai DeMarco thinks it might for him.

DeMarco, of Hampton Beach, N.H., bought $50 worth of women’s panties, thongs and tops that Stevanovich shoplifted from stores in Massachusetts and New Hampshire.

Andover police confiscated the lingerie when they raided Stevanovich’s Brookside Drive apartment in 2005. They auctioned it off yesterday at the department’s annual recovered property sale, along with an assortment of stolen bicycles, compact discs and other items more commonly found on at a police auction.

OK, let’s stop here for just a minute. Don’t the victims, the one’s from whom the lingerie was stolen, get their items back? I’ve never been to a police auction, but I assumed if the goods were proved to be purchased with illegal funds, or if the rightful owner didn’t claim the goods they’d be up for auction… But why wouldn’t someone claim lingerie estimated to be worth $300?

Oh wait, on page two we see that Vickie’s did claim her wares. At least she’s that smart.

Now we’ll continue to see who else is smart.

DeMarco plans to sell the underwear for a profit on the Web or at local flea markets.

Stevanovich, 32, had the same idea. She is now serving three to five years in Framingham state prison for her crimes, which also include welfare fraud that netted her more than $100,000.

“She’s a smart woman, for a criminal,” said DeMarco. “Eventually you get caught, but that benefits me.”

Umm, did they just say that they were surprised criminals were smart? I don’t have any stats or studies to point to, but I’m pretty sure there are many smart criminals. Or are they saying that the ones who get away with crime are just lucky because the cops are of the comedic ‘Keystone’ variety? (Even if just for the assumption that criminals are dumb, I’d say this might be the case.)

Or were they surprised because this criminal was on welfare? I’d think the $100,000 speaks to the contrary. (Or maybe again we are to look at stupid human service employees.)

Kudos all around the town, I’d say.

Perhaps in publishing this piece journalist Brian Messenger can now gloat he’s responsible for more (“stupid criminals”) moving into town.

We’ll continue…

DeMarco bought a Kenwood car stereo for $25 to go with the lingerie he estimated to be worth $300.

“I’m into the used-goods business,” DeMarco said. “This is just business to me.”

The fact a man bought the woman’s undergarments didn’t surprise Amy Crowley of Andover, who came with her son to bid on a bicycle.

“That’s why there’s all the men here,” Crowley said. “I thought they were all here to buy their kids bikes, but they’re here for the lingerie show.”

So did it surprise Amy or not? First they say it didn’t, but then they state she said she thought the crowd was for bikes… I’m confused. (Is this journalist of the same ilk as the police and government in this town?)

Lets go back for more.

Indeed, there were hoots of excitement when the garments were brought out by Police Officer Kevin Burke.

A crowd of 50 to 75 came in out of the rain for the auction at the town’s public safety center.

Ben Kellman of Andover, a veteran of 10 Andover police auctions, predicted before the auction began that the lingerie would wind up for sale on the Web, as Stevanovich intended.

“I think someone’s going to do the same thing,” Kellman said. “Money to be made.”

Oooh, maybe I was wrong about the whole Keystone Cops thinking. He sure seems brilliant to me! *wink*

Where were we? Oh yeah, the ‘crowd’ of less than 100 was a-hootin’ and a-hollarin’…

Not everyone at the auction thought the Stevanovich goods were such a hot buy.

“I think it’s kind of creepy that Andover is selling woman’s underwear at this auction,” said Mary Cate Connors of Andover.

I think it’s kinda creepy, Mary Cate, to be at a police auction and be worried about the propriety of lingerie lifted from stores being there as opposed to the bikes stolen from one kid to be bid on for other kids, or merch purchased with drug money being available to the highest bidder, and heaven knows what else… We’re talking ‘police auction’ and the “creepy” stuff is new lingerie? Sheesh.

“As long as it’s clean,” said Megan Singlar of Pelham, N.H. “It’s just an odd thing to see at an auction. I guess they have to get rid of it somehow.”

Oh, Megan, you need to get out more. I wished they’d have had cars up for auction and that you and Mary Cate each got one… Lord knows what kind of action those bucket seats saw!

Maybe one of these ladies was lucky enough to get that leaf blower (that could be kinky, right?)

This quite possibly is the most fun I’ve never had at an auction. :p

Photo credits: Top, from A Shaded View on Fashion; Middle, from MySpaceAntics.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *