20 Million Dollar Military Spending Makes Panties Wet, Then Dries Them Again

More news regarding intelligent textiles — this time from the US government.

The U.S. military spent more than $20 million (and 5 years) to develop a fabric derived from research originally intended to protect soldiers from biological attack.

One of the scientists involved, Jeff Owens, said “During Desert Storm, most casualties were from bacterial infections -not accidents or friendly fire. We treated underwear for soldiers who tested them for several weeks and found they remained hygienic. They also helped clear up some skin complaints.”

How it’s done: The new technology attaches nanoparticles to clothing fibers using microwaves. Then, chemicals that can repel water, oil and bacteria are directly bound to the nanoparticles. These two elements combine to create a protective coating on the fibers of the material. This coating both kills bacteria, and forces liquids to bead and run off.

The “self-cleaning” process makes fabrics repel water, resist stains and even kill off the bacteria that grow in sweat and make clothes smell. As a result, it could be worn repeatedly without the need for washing. Scientists working for the US Air Force have already produced T-shirts and underwear that can be worn for weeks at a time without washing.

This is great news for men who resist changing their undies (and those who love them) and only further convinces sci-fi folks of their genius.

I was thrilled at the prospect of panties which repel stains, so the idea that they can remain cleaner long excites me so — and I can go ahead and get excited because I won’t need to worry about uncomfortable damp panties.

I wonder, would this also help minimize such things as yeast infections — or like other male cures such as penicillin, would it only cause one?

Well, we’ll have to wait and see. While this new technology has been licensed to London company Alexium for civilian application development, their first areas of use are to be rugby shirts and other sportswear — proving yet again that science is reluctant to get into women’s panties.

Promise me, Alexium and others who plan to use this technology, that once you get around to my panties that you’ll make them so pretty I’ll swoon.

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