~Beware of the Undies~
Twas a day like no other,
A day like none before,
The day I discovered underpants
In a pile upon my floor.
They were pink with golden stitching,
They felt silky and oh~so~smooth
And the moment I put them around my bum,
My hips began to move!
My feet suddenly had rhythm,
I danced dances I did not know,
With the washer, I did The Lambada,
With the mop I danced The Tango!
The magic in these undies was outstanding,
My feet just would not stop,
Yet when I grew tired of dancing,
The undies just wouldn’t come off!
I tried to prise them off with a stick,
But the undies just wouldn’t budge,
I tried every kind of lubricant,
From grease to chocolate fudge!
But the undies weren’t having none,
The undies were here to stay,
They told me they would take over the world,
The undies we would all obey!
I had to get the undies off,
It was all that was on my mind,
I knew I couldn’t live another day,
With dancing undies around my behind.
I tried to bribe them with money,
I tortured them with hot coals,
But the undies hung on to my particulars
And began to attack my soul!
I had to take drastic measures,
The undies were becoming too tight,
So when I thought they weren’t looking,
I blew them up with dynamite!
The undies somehow survived the onslaught,
But they were injured and chose to retreat,
Yet the undies still posed a threat,
Those undies I would have to defeat.
So I went at them with a baseball bat,
Attacking the groin and stitiching,
After 5 minutes of wanton pummelling,
The undies were crumpled and twitching.
Then in my moment of exultation,
As I was lost in a victory yell,
The undies managed to escape me,
Where they went I could not tell.
Now mankind was in danger,
The undies, their defeat would avenge,
I knew from my dastardly dealings with them,
Those undies would be back for revenge!
Mankind, alas, would not listen,
My pleas to humanity were in vain,
They thought me a babbling lunatic,
I was bonkers, loopy, insane!
Yet you may choose to laugh at me
And ignore my yells and rants,
But one thing you must never underestimate
Is the evil of Underpants!